is my help destructive?

As parents, our natural instinct is to protect our children, from all evil and harm; and that is part of a parent’s responsibility.

But another part is to teach and train. And this is where the protection instinct needs to step aside at times [oh, how hard that is!].

When our children are very small, we [parents] are pretty much the only ones who correct and discipline our children– teaching manners, kindness, and self-control, with love and patience [sometimes begging God for that proper spirit].C.mommy

But when my children are older and leave me every day to attend school or go to an age-appropriate Sunday school or even just go to a friends house for an afternoon, what do I teach them about authority? about responsibility? about respect?

It mostly stems from how I react to others correcting my child–{it also is learned by how I respect/obey my own authority-but that’s another post}.

I must realize that my child is a sinner [aren’t we all? Romans 3:23] and he/she WILL do wrong, and need correction– at school or a friend’s house, even in children’s church.

image from google seasrch

image from google seasrch

And in order to teach them respect for authority, I must be willing to allow other people to have authority over and correct my child. And I, as the parent, must also be willing to enforce their obedience to that other authority. Otherwise I will be teaching my child that I, the parent, can take their responsibility of obedience on my own shoulders; and one day she would have a very rude awakening.

Galatians 6:7,8- Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. [We will all reap the consequences from our OWN actions, and we must TEACH this truth to our children.]

If I do not teach the reality of consequences—

Romans 4:11,12- As I live, saith the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God. So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.

[We are each responsible for our own actions.]

and

I Peter 4: 3-5- For the time past of our life may suffice us to have wrought the will of the Gentiles, when we walked in lasciviousness, lusts, excess of wine, revellings, banquetings, and abominable idolatries:  wherein they think it strange that ye run not with them to the same excess of riot, speaking evil of you: who shall give account to him that is ready to judge the quick and the dead.

image from google sesarch

[There will be those who do not understand when we choose to live differently, but God will judge.]

—then, when our children are all grown up, they will likely continue to expect Dad and Mom to bail them out when they have done wrong, and may live as though you can bail them out in heaven, too.

And here is the point:

There comes a time [earlier than you might expect and years before they become a teenager!] when I cannot and should not protect my children from themselves, and the consequences of their actions. This is how they learn responsibility and integrity.

Deliverance ….before a lesson is learned

is DESTRUCTIVE.

and I do not want to destroy the most precious gifts God has given me!

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preserve. guide. bless.

treePsalm 25:21 Let integrity and uprightness preserve me; for I wait on thee.

Proverbs 11:3 The integrity of the upright shall guide them: but the perverseness of transgressors shall destroy them.

Proverbs 19:1 Better is the poor that walketh in his integrity, than he that is perverse in his lips, and is a fool.

Proverbs 20:7 The just man walketh in his integrity: his children are blessed after him.

Apparently, integrity is something that can guide us. can preserve us. can bless our children. It is on the same level as uprightness– better than having riches.

I want integrity.

I want my children to have integrity!!

integrity: the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; the condition of being unified, unimpaired, or sound in construction; internal consistency or lack of corruption in electronic data

When most of us think of integrity in people, we probably are thinking of the first part of the definition: being honest and having strong moral principles.

Are we honest? Obviously, we should not speak our whole mind about others or to others [Proverbs 29:11 A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.].

But sometimes we are not even honest with ourselves. We say we do not care what others think, but we do; AND we SHOULD. We should care what others think, but only to the extent of HONESTLY examining our own lives and actions.

To care about what others think does not mean I will compromise the cause of Christ–and my children need to understand that, too.

I must not brush aside when others correct my children or make known a fault {no matter if it is done rudely or tastefully}. 

I must teach my children how to handle correction- with humility and honesty.

But also, we must deal honestly with others.girlsbridge

Speak honestly.

Pay attention that we do not take advantage of others’ generosity.

And keep watch that our children learn this.

Even further, are we honest with God? in our opportunities to witness, with using the talents He has given us, in our giving. Only an individual can examine his own heart, but we must also remember that others see our actions.

[We should care what others think, but only to the extent of HONESTLY examining our own lives and actions.]

Beyond being honest, do we have a Biblical sense of morality? I stress Biblical because today’s morality is changed from the morality my parents grew up with. We cannot flow with society in this.

Do I teach my children what the Bible says about right and wrong? Do I teach them consequences? If not, they will have a rude awakening one day. Do I give them an example of truthfulness and responsibility?

Simple ethics and expectations of good behavior, a Biblical sense of justice and modest propriety seem to be a thing of by-gone days.

But as mothers, we can help CHANGE that!

     by TEACHING our children to have integrity.

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